I had so much fun this Valentine's Day, I don't know where to start. Hubby would always plan strategic ways to surprise me and take me out to dinner, buy me roses that would show up at my job, or go to a romantic Blue Note concert in NYC, however this Valentine's Day was different. I spent it doing the things that I wanted to do, from start to finish. I didn't realize how healthy it was to show your body some self-care practices that gets your endorphins going. We're so stuck on the ways society perpetuates the way in which you should spend this day. Waiting for your significant other to plan a romantic date night that would whisk you off of your feet. This time I took the lead as I strategically planned the day in the way in which how I wanted to spend it. 
I started out with a nice meditation time and prayer, getting me in tune with a spiritual presence that followed me into my study Bible reading time, gaining revelation about the ways in which the priests were the sacrificial offerings in lieu of the many animal and peace offerings that God had originally instructed (are we the REAL sacrifice and the lives in which we chose to live in honour of our Creator?...#Selah) Followed by a dim, candlelit shower, a new practice I started, to avoid the shock of the iridescent light that invaded my slow entrance back into reality. Accompanying my dim-lit shower, slow methodical practices of speaking life over myself and my family followed by a much-needed hmmmmmmmm soooo good stretch in my favourite sweats as I prepare my body for a new project and assignment that stirs my passion for the arts again, reigniting my voice and fulfilment of purpose. Understanding that time is of the essence, I decided to start one of my paintings that I planned to begin in the evening time, accompanied with a nice glass of wine. However, two at one time, would have been overwhelming. I'm glad I decided to rearrange my schedule to --accommodate what I needed, as I had time before my very much needed, eye-brow appointment. As I completed my first painting, I was impressed with my ability to contour or contrast the deep shades of purple I intentionally picked as purple is my colour for this decade as I'm embracing the royalty I stand in as a sovereign being. Being awakened by my alarm clock that reminded me of the zoom seminar I registered for, that acknowledged the glorious black couples, kings, queens, empresses and activists that had the privilege of reigning this earth and making significant-world changing impacts, before attending my eye-brown appointment and later attending the "One Love" movie w/Bob Marley and his #1 Queen. I have to say to these couples, why do many of the Greats have to die so young! Martin (38) and Coretta Scott King, Malcolm X (39), Bob Marley (36), Tupac Shakur (25). It seems as though, when you carry the weight of the world and walk fully in your purpose, the universe says, "they had enough of your greatness, it's a wrap. Well done, good and faithful servant, your time is up." 
One takeaway I would say as a woman, watching "One Love" is how many great women have to stand by their mogul men with the same narrative of being a "soldier and a WIFE"....WHEWWWWW CHILE'D! When Bob Marley's FIRST Wife spoke those words and what came afterwards, and Bob Marley had the nerve to get jealous when it "looked like" she gave another man the time of day, my body uninhibitedly responded with a few "Open Mic" neo-soul, spoken word snaps as she was speaking the truth that so many women have little to no-chance to do or candidly speak on. They're expected to suck it up and be STRONG, as the strong black man's behaviour is pacified due to the challenges of being a black man, ANYWHERE. I mean, Solomon did it. Why can't he? The satisfaction of one woman is never enough? when you're fighting so many wars at once, putting out fires or starting your own, and bringing peace to the world, "When You Can't Even Find Your Own Peace" (Bob Marley). The ability to be a "ride or die" woman, wife, mother, who has to put her feelings and innate emotions aside to be there for her man who is carrying the weight of the world in his arms, back and everywhere else, while she watches him make love and babies with other women and continues to suck the life out of you for the energy he needs to be replenished is a HUMONGOUS and I'm sure, arduous TASK! Her sentiments would have been mine if I was caught in the same predicament. I wonder if that narrative holds true for Betty Shabaaz as well...?

I digress.

What I do know, is that I finished with a nice finale to my day with wine and a completion of the husband-wife painting that I initially started on in the beginning of my day and a nice run-bubble bath with ice, wine, home-made facial and CHOCOLATE CAKE w/vanilla ice cream. A much desired finale to anyone's Valentine's Day who desires to take the reigns in their life and practice a day of love, your way. 
Who could knock it? Who can love you better than yourself? In order to have the energy to love others, you have to put the air mask on yourself first, or you'll look up and wonder why everyone you love is suffocating around you. Redefine how you look to spending this day. It being the unique day of "Ash Wednesday" and the beginning of Lent, helped. Self-reflection and removing the energies that don't serve you are always a great reminder of how to get in touch with self and become the BEST you and version of yourself that you desire to become. 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
~LOVE Lady on a Mission

Ps. I apologize on the legacy of Bob Marley when I misquoted my senior high school quote stating: "Don't Worry, Be Happy" as his quote when it was entirely Bobby McFarrin. ~One Love

I've recently gotten back into dancing again and it feels great! It feels like my body just needed a resurgence of energy to get me jump started in something that was purposeful and fulfilling. The freedom, the glide, the escape from reality to be in a dimension other than the one you were just in, is a feeling like no other. The ability to glide through the air and allow your body to take you to places you didn't think you could go is a gift that the creator gave me that no one can ever take away.

After being a mother at the age of 20 where my life took an immediate redirection, I seemed to never gain any weight, lose my ferver for the arts or passion to inspire others through the use of movement. Inevitably it became an underlining understanding that maybe I should pursue this for the rest of my life. Very little brings me JOY like the joy I have when I release my body through this gift of movement. What is that for you?

I've had many examples of women twice my age continuing their passion in the dance field and the ways in which they did it. Whether it was a spiritual connection or a way to inspire the youth that they would shepherd. There were many avenues that I saw how I could walk in a direction that was authentic and unique to me and my experiences. In essence, this new found passion to take as many dance classes as possible, as now, I had the time, space and energy to do so, gave me the right push to walk confidently in the purpose that was meant for me. 

I say all that to say to everyone to be encouraged! I'm nearly 40 and yet look like I'm in my early 20's! That's a blessing as I continue to grow in age and not mind the uninviting comments that are taken back by my unassuming age. I dwell on the fact that I'm made this size for a reason. Now, what am I going to do about it? I'm definitely not going to give into the temptation that life is all over and there's no hope to continue pursuing the things that I love in the ways in which I was created to do so. AND YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER! The facts are that many great people started businesses and philanthropic projects at a young age as well as well in their 60's. As long as you're not dead, you have something meaningful to bring to the world in ways that are unimaginable. 

I'm just here to give a little boost to someone's day to continue to push the limits of what others may perceive are or were your best years and chose to believe otherwise. Take that dance class, build something meaningful, travel to that destination you always had your eyes on, make that phone call! Step out and do something daring and watch what manifests because of your willingness to take that first step. 

I had the privilege of taking my daughter to see Lil’ Mermaid this past Memorial Weekend. We were counting down the days since it was announced that Hailey Bailey would be starring as Ariel. I loved the fact that this was always my daughter’s favorite Disney Princess and was constantly on rotation in our home growing up. So much so, she knew all of the parts that were not shown compared to the animation down to the last detail. It was a sign of the change of the times as we are embracing more characters from different walks of life with a focus on showing the diversity in which we truly live. 

I have to admit I was ecstatic that an African American woman would be playing a Disney Princess who was known for her pale skin and red hair. The uproar about Hailey’s position in it was revealing to say the least. We pride ourselves on coming so far in regards to our stance on race and our acceptance of it, until roles are switched, as in this case, when Hailey challenges our norm. And what is our norm per se? I recently attended my graduate class in which we talk about policy in education. An icebreaker that our teacher implemented in the beginning of our zoom lesson placed us in groups and had “normal books” in which the average American student had obviously read. All of them from White writers that my teacher later commented as “normal reading” haphazardly before she quickly understood her error in stating such a subconscious statement in which the majority of us live by. Books such as Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, O Pioneers by Wila Cather, A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley and The Odyssey by Homer were some of the suggested readings to share how we felt about the past academic school year. It was a reminder of how our educational experiences had been whitewashed ever since we could remember and continues to reinforce the mentality of what we consider “normal, acceptable, relevant and even the status quo”. I say this to say that I found myself, as conscious as I am about having representation and dismantling this way of thinking by any cost, still longing for the original representation of Ariel in the beginning of the movie. I felt ashamed that I could be comparing Hailey’s ability to perform up to par to the representation of what Ariel has been for me, even as a little girl. I understand that this is why I get so frustrated with our society’s idea of what is considered beautiful and our ideas of what is considered the epitome of acceptance in the way we dress, wear our hair and the like. Yet, I still find myself doing my best to break these ideologies that have been ingrained for me for so long. It is no wonder why it is so hard for everyone else to have the ability to do the same. Especially when you don’t even have the desire to do so. You continue your complacency in receiving whatever messages are being fed to you consciously or unconsciously in the ways in which you should think. That is a way of living that allows you to fall into a state of mindset that no longer challenges the messages you are receiving and meander through life as if this is the way it is supposed to be. 

So as I reflect back on how many people were upset with Hailey’s new debut as their favorite white mermaid princess, I get it. That was their norm. It interrupted a way of thinking that they were unconsciously living by as their way of life. Their livelihood seemed to be disturbed by a thought that it could be any other way and that becomes uncomfortable. Honestly, It was initially uncomfortable for me as well. The way I lived my life initially had me out of my comfort zone while seeing a black mermaid princess replace something that was considered my norm until I consciously decided to embrace what was in front of me and open up my view on a new perspective that was being presented. As soon as I accepted what was in front of me, I undoubtedly made a switch in my thinking that allowed me to challenge why I was uncomfortable in the first place. The filmography was AMAZING! I loved every second of it, the changes in the story line and even the choreography of the sea creatures! Always a favorite! The diversity in the characters and the presentation of sea life and land life was outstanding. All because I had a mindset to change what was comfortable at the time to embrace something different and new. 

Our society has been up against a lot of new and innovative ideas that may seem scary at first. However, I’m here to witness how that way of living can be stifling and debilitating when you stay stuck in a perspective that is limiting your growth. That doesn’t mean embracing everything without a critical eye as everything is not permissible and a healthy stance of living. However, it doesn’t hurt to try and shift in the ways in which you see and may even give you an opportunity to learn something different creating another way of healthy living that inspires growth and more love in your living journey. 

Find it on my LinkedIn Page 
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If I, as a female, feel pretty good about myself being called a pimp, I KNOW that men’s ego must be significantly stroked when they are being called that as well. The idea of a pimp means you’re in control. No one’s making you do anything. You’re the one demanding things and in charge of your sexuality. No one has the right to command you to do anything as you’re the boss, you’re the head honcho. You’re the one receiving the respect as people scramble to gather themselves under your presence. When you have not been privy to this type of authority prior to you being called or labeled as a pimp, it gives you some reassurance that you’re being seen as strong and not weak, someone to be respected and not to be played with. Someone who understands what they’re doing and isn’t shy or ashamed of that placement. Confident, assured, solid. 

It’s no wonder why this behavior is usually brought about when you’ve been in predicaments where you felt out of control. When you feel like you’ve given your trust over to someone and it has been played with, abused, manipulated and walked all over. The natural human response would be to command that control back by any means necessary or wallow in your sorrow until you regain your strength back hoping to trust another. I did not choose the latter. Usually people do not. Anyone who has experienced some sort of abuse, whether sexual, verbal or emotional has found a defense mechanism in which to cope. 

As a society, we know why men do it as they’re celebrated for getting as many women as possible, soiling their royal oats as much as possible until they’re ready to “settle down” if they’re ever ready. But it’s not too acceptable for women to do the same. And why not? Why is that? Why are we still expecting women to be “pure” and chaste and men to not? Why is the sting of being labeled as a whore placed on women more than it is on men who are considered an “f” boy? Will it ever end?

Unrealistic expectations place messy results on relationships that could have otherwise been successful if fairness would have been placed on the table from the beginning. When everyone knows what is expected of them and agrees, you’re more apt to seeing success and healthy progress in whatever relationships that are formed in the process. 

I didn’t know that this boy liked me. He was sending me mixed messages by saying one thing on aim and behaving differently when he was with his friends. Does he even know how to be in a relationship or is he being manipulated by the pressure of hanging out with his friends and what that entails as the expectations he’s supposed to accept and meet as a young teenage boy? Who told him that this is how he should be and is it completely accurate information? Is it working for him or is he pretending? What is it all for and is it serving us as a society?

More to come on Stephanie's new project book Eyes Have NOt seen...