lead with love

What I learned as a woman who was built in a home with a strong faith.

Brainwashing can come in many forms. The constant repetitive notion that this is the way the world is and there’s no other thought process outside of it that is true or worth looking into. It’s either this way or your soul is going straight to hell. Everyone else’s belief system is wrong and out of whack. They don’t know what they’re talking about and will eventually steer you the wrong way. This doesn’t have to always be some malicious act that is used as a method to control. However, if it is, it is ultimately a strategy that is eventually ethically ineffective and methodically counter to the results that this behavior leads people into.

I understand that leading with some faith base or initiative when raising children helps, for most children, the development of some moral code that helps them navigate a sense of self checking of right and wrong behavior. I know a friend who does not agree with being an absolutist and therefore, refuting the idea that there’s always a black and white situation when many things lie in the area of gray. However, being a math person, it’s hard for me to agree as 2 of something + 2 of something is always going to be 4 of something, correct? Unless you think as a non absolutist that 2 oranges and 2 apples don’t equal 4 oranges or 4 apples or 4 orange apples. However, the math person would still say, but there’s 4 fruits.

What I’m understanding is that there’s always perspective and many ways of looking at a thing. Being brought up in a household where Jesus is the way and that’s it, never made me challenge or question all of the other religions that were practiced within other households. It was ingrained in me that Jesus was it! He’s the only thing necessary to get by in this life. And although I appreciated and learned to love the rituals and routines that came with living in a Christian household, I realize how detrimental and judgemental that can be to those around me who don’t fit within that mold. It’s inevitable that going to one extreme in anything can lead to detrimental behavior. Zealots and martyrs who had an unwavering belief in their belief systems oftentimes find themselves sacrificing everything for this cause. What I want to ask them, if I could, is, was it all worth it? Was it worth giving all of yourself to this cause that seemed to be bigger than yourself? Was it really bigger than yourself or was it all a sham that programmed you to accept a belief system that encouraged extreme behavior?

We understand that many extremists who have developed in these types of environments either embrace it fully, dismiss it or turn completely opposite to it, finding their own path and I guess I’m here on my journey finally saying, “and that’s okay”. Everyone has the opportunity to make their own decisions in their own time to make the decision that’s right for them. Being a child who did her best in her early stages to comply with the belief system that her parents brought her up in was a badge of honor that I wore, no pun intended, religiously. It was bragging rights that I was able to say that I was a “good person” because I behaved in such a way that was deemed morally correct until I was placed in situations that countered that belief system. Because that belief system wasn’t truly my lived truth and a bunch of moral acts I was taught to live in and practice, “because I was told that this was best” it was inevitable that I would allow the environment I was around to effectively dismantle these once ingrained beliefs and have me walking in a different direction. And rightfully so, why not? If it wasn’t really true for me and was just some rule book that I was taught to live by without some true sense of reason why I innately believed for myself and knew why, that is expected right?

I’m beginning to understand in more ways than one, how more effective it is to

#1 allow everyone to be true to who they are and allow them to arrive to that understanding in their own timing through their own unique journey. When you try to do it otherwise, abuse is inevitable and therefore can be more ineffective than if you were to just leave them alone and allow them to get there in their own time without your force and constant meddling.

#2 Your way doesn’t work for everyone and eventually may come a time when it may not even work for you. You may think that this is the absolute truth and NOTHING and no one can ever change your mind. But I’m sure many of you have heard that when you stop learning and growing that means you’re dead. I always find it funny when I or someone else would say, I would NEVER do something and then you find yourself doing that VERY thing that you said you would never do. What I’ve learned in that revelation is that you are always evolving and it’s okay to allow yourself to experience life, even if life has you veering off on an unbeaten path.

The takeaway is to give yourself grace. Give yourself the opportunity to explore and find out the answers to your questions that your soul is searching for. You’ll most likely be the better for it and able to give the same amount of grace and patience to those who are around you.

After listening to Michelle Obama’s podcast and reading her book :The Light, I found that the same transparency that openness to being your authentic self and telling your whole truth without trying to come off as self-righteous was altogether more effective in healing the wounds that I could directly relate to in my own journey. Sometimes it is this subtle, yet direct method that people crave for that can be more effective if not more effective than any religious ideology that some religious sects boast about living by, and oftentimes honestly are not.

It is the act of constant love and understanding that permeates deep within someone’s soul that brings the most coveted moral code that our society’s religions sometimes try to demand. I constantly embrace and am reminded that the real foundation of this process and this journey is the act of knowing how to love. Leading with love can never steer you wrong. I know I don’t always get it right but I know I’m always brought back to this notion through life experiences and little reminders like Michelle’s book: The Light that always leads me back to love.

I’m just here, reminding you to do the same.

​Lead with LOVE.